does he see me? does he watch me? does he hold my struggling hand? can he whisper? make me listen? to the song he always sang? will he kiss me? make me silence? the tears that want to fall? will he heal me? let me feel him? long after darkness calms?
I lived more years without my father than with. The memory is enough to weaken a resolve I’ve worked hard to hide. My first true love. He was a flawed, beautiful soul that in the middle of everything never wavered in his words of love and reassurance in me, though I doubted him, often.
He always told me he loved me. He always told me I was beautiful. And to this day is the only man I ever truly heard. In his hug, I felt whole. Fourteen years ago, we buried him on Valentine’s Day. How I long to hear his words one more time. I love you, dad.
And while you may have read my story before, I will never stop preaching, this…
If you are a father, brother, uncle, of the male species in any capacity I ask you to reach out to those beautiful women in your life. You will never fully realize your impact. It is big. Bigger than explanations could ever articulate. Let them know they are loved. Let them know they have NO need to be anything other than as they stand at this moment as they are. Let them know there is no need for them to take away from their very person, giving away pieces of their soul in attempts for validation from the one thing you are, men.
I fled to my husband’s arms when I was fourteen and haven’t left his side since. Broken, realized and blessed. Here now, I am the proud mother of a single son who is raising a most beautiful daughter. I am the honored mom with two ladies, one which has born another two gorgeous girls. These two men, husband, and son have a monster responsibility. Six ladies who are strong on their own, yet stronger with their presence, honor, and love.
“We have a responsibility larger than ourselves.” yet we need to build our foundation of self first to be that guiding light.
Where have all the real men gone? Why do you hide in plain sight? Why do you abuse your privileges of the women you’ve been chosen to protect? Or hide? You are him. You can be more. Stand tall. Taller for those who’d kneel before you. The Lord has honored you with this task.
God bless us all. “We breathe the same breath.” j.e