he was a vibrant man; laughter and sunshine, brilliance and rain: he loved the finer things in life like cigarettes, alcohol, women and pain; but, when he held me in his arms i never doubted what he said: i just never understood…i would never hear him again
yes, I hear you
In Memory of John Sheperd Thatcher
September 7, 1942-February 10, 2005
May peace keep you, guide you and find you.
There is a deep appreciation that I have not acknowledged, a personal moment that I will remember for the rest of my life. Where a person’s compassion was not afraid to speak in a moment when they could have remained silent. This gratitude I wish to extend to a stranger’s voice that reached me in my raw grief.
Sincerely, Deeply, Thank You.
Several years ago, I cried a daughter’s tears. I wept a deep anguish in the back of a bathroom stall. Hidden to the world, I refused to be seen, yet my silence could not be contained. In the acceptance of a sentence that was soon to occur, I bawled. Ugly, unforgiving sobs, cowering in the face of my future.
In the middle of my pain, not recognizing there was another person in the world, a voice drifted to me. A real individual whose face I would never see, reached out simply, beautiful and heartfelt. She told me, “I’m sorry.”
“Keep your chin up.” It was a hollow expression. I needed more from my dad. They brought me, absolutely, no comfort. Those same words today, I desperately crave from him. I find myself picking up the phone just to hear his voice. A boisterous sound that has now, sadly, gone silent in my head.
My father passed away 9 years ago and today is his birthday. In my quest to bring light into our lives by simple, achievable kindnesses, it also means for me to gain my voice. To be seen and to be heard. In his honor, I am finally speaking out loud. I assure you, he thanks you, as much as I do, for your love and support.
He was a good man. He loved life to excess and hid demons like the rest of us. He did not have to be perfect. Nobody does. He was a beautiful man. John Shepard Thatcher may you rest in peace and find me in my dreams. I love you. He would ask us all to send sunshine.